Issued in Public Interest by XT

Do Not Watch 300.
I saw 150.
Such a waste of time.
150?
Well, I walked out in the interval.
The only good thing is men with six packs
and the pretty-pretty colours and people and kids.
But this gets boring from the second scene onwards.
Then nothing moves you. (what do you mean then? nothing moves.)
The prettier the imagery
more the distance
from your heart and head to the screen.
You are more aware of the heads in front of you,
what the person next to you is eating and what the
women at the back are talking about.
The soundtrack was bad.
The film had no purpose.
No soul. No story.
Agreed I couldn't bear it and walked out. Thats bad.
I should have slept in the theatre and at least enjoyed the AC
since I paid for it.
The words they say are fake.
The whole thing is not an experience.
Its not believable, its not even clever.
Its just one photoshopped pseudo-painting after another.
bOrInG~

Public display of the affection

click to enlarge. More comes later.

Its my Mommy's heppy budday

Now, my mommy and me are not the best friends kind of mother and daughter.

But I try. So today I thought of giving her the coolest and sweetest gift I could get within my budget.excuse the poor quality of the pictures. I used my third grade web cam.

Useless peice of information for the day.

Did you know the phrase 15 mins of fame was said by Warhol.
Well, not literally 15 minutes of fame but that

In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.
and there is a measuring unit called The Warhol , kilowarhol and megawarhol?

Thank yous to
Wikipedia.

Today.

Today's morning page.

postcard

Whats your seduction style?

Hmm... How bored and lonely am I?
optimistic! I can't believe it.
Its a lie, its a joke. Mommy! They are making fun of me!

Carter Road

Today's morning page.

Every morning I do a little something to get started. Today's looks like I'm asking for more sleep. It's true. I am.

I love vintage

made this on 21st feb

All the lonely people with Eleanor Rigby

There is magic in a brief moment when you are riding double seat with a friend on a motorbike and blow a kiss to someone who least expects it. That’s what I did today.

Parry heard all that I had to say about all the lonely people and where they all come from. About how I wish I could meet a fellow loner and end our loneliness. We, that’s Parry and me, along with Eleanor Rigby took few rounds of Carter Road. On our way, -I don’t remember if it was Parry’s idea of your silly giggly’s- but we decided if I pass a cute guy and if he is looking at me at that precise auspicious moment of time, I shall blow him a kiss. We passed thin-bearded-smoking-eating-sad-looking away-with girl friend –too busy to bother- Ipoding- not interesting-lean- hunk-jogger-sandwich wala- waiting at bus stop- whistling- till we got to cute-and-looking-at-me!

There he was, smiling at me. I smiled looking back at him even after we had passed him. But I couldn't do it.

Another try it had to be. He was worth it. It was going to be HIM. The second time we were passing, he was looking right at me. The stars above were trying their best to create the right moment, build the right mood for yours truly to deliver the bliss. All the corny things right in place. And then… I blew a cute little kiss!!!

I looked away. I couldn't look at him. He was with his friends! Wonder what he thought! Parry, being sweet as he is, took the bike up the hill to Pali to avoid further discussion on the effect of a kiss on the cute boy’s psyche.

March 19^th 2007.

Last night a curly long-haired Punjabi boy with the girl with the biggest smile ever were seen riding past lonely men in dark streets, singing,

All the lonely people,
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
Where do they all belong?

An inquiry has been set up by BRA (Bandra Resident’s Association) to end such ill behavior. Although nothing concrete can be said our sources reveal this could have something to do with the Indian Cricket team’s recent loss or the decreasing number of stray dogs in the locality.

The pink page is a scan of a journal
page about lonely time at Oval Maidan yesterday.
Not the best scan, but I'm feeling lazy and drunk under
the influence of the kiss!

At Loony's post Now Hush, 'cause you don't matter
I wrote the following comment. The post is about the recent happening at Nandigram and her city. My comment is

Chamki said... I don't know much about your city and what the thinking is. Living in Bombay all my life, in a cocooned house, I have tried to understand things from the newspapers and TV but I don't. I never seem to understand what the ideology is and how people are applying it. May be studying philosophy has got something to do with it. I'm used to a method of understanding.

Because what I study is not a point of view or at least it isn't proposed as a point of view. But in the news and TV what I see or hear is a point of view, of the government and/or people, parties, parents. I know an ideology or a philosophy is also not God-sent. It is ultimately one man's idea but it is described completely, explicitly in a certain way with patience. In real life I find it so difficult to form my opinion because I constantly feel I don't know enough.

Illo Friday quickie

Attempts at illo Friday after reeaaalllly long. These quick sketches will be followed by more work toward illo Friday once exams are done and gone.
Total time taken to do these = 2 mins.

click to enlarge images.

Days seem too fragmented to write anything concrete. Rambles are all that can be. Todays alphabet is 'E'

Experimenta is here again. So first, I want to say that anyone who is anywhere in Bombay or nearby should get to Max Muller Bhavan tomorrow onwards till this Sunday at 6:30 in the evening to watch a great line up of experimental films. These include films that are silent, short and/or without narrative (for a better idea check this) The theme this year is Exploring Space so it moves beyond projection on the flat screen and other spaces like the audience space and the mind space of the member in the audience are also under discussion. It is also free of cost! You can buy their programme and contribute a Rs. 50. I shall try to share my thoughts about the films I saw recently.( I said try...)

Exams are in a week. I'm watching a film festival and continuing with my Yoga class. I think a number doesn't define who I am and what I am capable of. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up either. I have simply realised that I'm not motivated because I don't value it enough. I know giving an exam and scoring well means much within the structure and being in the system is changing the system but I have also learnt over the years that this year, this moment is NOW. I value my life enough to make it better every moment , enough to live it the way I want to live it. Everyday, following my 10 commandments makes me feel good because I finally get over the 'Chalta hai' attitude. Now is this 'chalta hai' meddling with my exams? Well... as I said I'm not letting go, I'm studying, knowing how much this matters to me.

End. Some patterns are coming to an end today. Letting go of a certain somebody. Giving space to breathe. Sharing thoughts a little less with people and more on blog. Journalling more. Spending much more time with self. Checking for honesty. Realised that I'm so honest sometimes and so pushy with it that I make people run away. I tell them what they don't want to hear. Well, I have to say it, but now I plan to keep people a little away. Lets see how long this one lasts. End is for this year. Education. College life. Home life.

chamki

Wow!
Today must be a strange planetary alignment.
I actually said
We all have our quirks. I'm proud of mine.
How often do I say these things?
How often can we say things that we really believe
but aren't modest.
Saying these things doesn't make us modest
but not saying them doesn't make us honest either.
We will not say something if it projects us to be good or better
we will dig a big pit and sit right in the centre of it till someone
notices and 'discovers' our talent. Till they find out we must sit
in a corner and quietly upload our work on blogs, or flickr?
That's just sad. I have made a long list of compliments I have got
and I believe them. I believe it when people say I look pretty and that my
blog is interesting. I believe I am talented, I don't care if you don't say it.
I have shut out things like 'You can never act. You don't have it in you. You have no spark'
Confidence, my sister is in belief. Believe in yourself. You are truly beautiful. Nothing in this world is worth your sad face.
Today, I pray for all of us who don't want to believe that we are good, talented, honest, genuine, even gifted because it might slow us down. Remember even psychology suggests reward for motivation.

So first comes the riddle. The little shape contains a riddle which needs to be solved. Chamko Rani offers a prize to the 1st lucky winner. The prize shall be mailed. (I promise I'll post it. I have millions of unposted letters to everyone.)
Then comes Chamko Rani's new agenda: RHYME FOR THE HECK OF IT.
What will follow this is a series of very silly poems which seem like they were written when you're drunk.

For example:

Jingle’s Jungle Uncle
Juxtaposed Jerusalem’s mumble
A few fumbles
A few grumbles
And Jingle’s jungle Uncle finally proposed.

Jingle’s Jungle
Would be – would not be Aunt,
Said she can’t
I think this poem is a plant.
No more blabber ?
Ok! I shan’t.

feel free to RHYME FOR THE HECK OF IT.

My best friends

My feet always before my eyes.
My feet have no disguise.
They don't hide.
They run, they fight
the dust
the hurt
and every night
sleep right
next to me.

The Jungle...

These days I feel I have stopped feeling good. All I can feel is trapped.
I write only pretentious happy things and random happenings on my blog.
I write the wrong kind of things to the wrong people.
This is an email that got no reply,
leaving it here in hope that someone somewhere understands.

BBB,

How do we learn to gauge what we are for people?

How do we know how much is how much?

How can we know how much is not too much?

Who do you share your mood swings with?

How can I know whom to share those with?

And will people tell me if its not ok to share those with them?

Are people brave and polite enough to say

that they dont care about what I say to them if they dont.

Is talking so much abnormal?

Are people who have siblings not like me?

Is it ok to share such things with people?

Do people feel talking about what you feel is silly.

Am i self obsessed?

Is there anything I should do about it?

Is there anything that can be done?

You think I must be putting people off by how I am?

You think i doubt myself too much?

You think I think too much?

Is it because I am alone?

Is it because there is so much space in my head now.

Do you think like this too?

About what people think about you sometimes.

I hate it when I feel like that in relation to friends.

I mean how happy can you be if you get the feeling that the other person does a favour

to you by talking to you.

You think sometimes that people dont want to talk to you or dont want to listen?

you think sometimes that you must be different in a bad way from most people and

that makes people not want to talk to you?

You think some people just dont deserve love?

You think I am one of them?

you think sometimes that doing a particular thing will be making a fool of yourself and

still go ahead do it,

like I am writing this email?

Do you think I must be a bother to people and thats why they left me?

Do you believe that i must be responsible for my misery?

Do you think I shouldn't ask you all these questions? Even a little bit?

Do you think I need therapy?

Do you think I should not be asking you these questions?

I know I'm repeating but I'm really asking.

I constantly doubt people.

I constantly think that they think I'm 'high maintenance'.

Someone told me that once.

Do you think being honest is being obsessive and being baggage?

Do you think having a limit to your relationship be it any kind is ok?

How do you gauge these limits?

Extremely Important Blah

Right when you thought it was over

XT comes with more proof and the most exciting news ever.
Stolen from our CEO's diaries these are tit bits of utmost importance!
If only we could auction these in public and make money....
Anyhoo. (copyright-James2006)
First up is a copy of the agreement signed but all the bloggers!A team of advanced professionals (doesn't that sound funky!) is working
to figure out what the fine blue code in the background is.
It is believed that this sort of meeting could have taken place at a coffee shop
by the name of Barista. However, these are only assumptions.
Clearly nothing can be confirmed at this stage.What follows is a picture clicked by Chamki of Leo, a young and angry looking
man who writes before TIME runs OUT. Our sources suggest Mr. Leo is a secret semi- CEO of some magazine somewhere.This is a picture of Chamki at the beach. An unknown Mr. Someone
suggests that this is a picture she really likes and wants the world to see.
We at XT give you this unique oppurtunity.

Next up is a blue print of the hide out where Chamki had been resting, away from the media. This is where the next
joint- venture-world-torture-project must be planned.
But before our team could get there, she had escaped and
is planning a press conference at her office in Bandra.

~Team XT.

Powai ramble

Little travel escapade.
Can't call Powai travel really but it feels like it.
Missing home like I am far away.
Nothing particular that I can name but there is something different.
I miss you BBB.
Powai is different from what Bombay is.
Also its this time of the day, I mean night.

There is something very temporary about life these days.
Nothing seems stable.
Every thing changing everyday. Some growing some withering,
Is this life?

Pictures and sketches of

Jyoti's house coming up soon.

Father,

How much do tears cost?
How much is that drop of sweat,
sweated by hustling in the heat
or spent in anxiety?
How much is that moment
spent shifting and turning in bed?
How much do I spend every time
I think of happiness?
What does the tag on a smile say?
How much is a sigh?

How much does it cost to hug?
How much does it cost to forget counting?
How much will it cost to live a life?
A real life.
More than the cost of a calculator?
More than our bank balance?

We are tearing each other over
yellow perforated bills.
We are eating our teeth and diluting our milk.
We are chocking our lungs for it might cost to breathe.

Our hands
groping for enough,
spill all that there can be-
comfort, simplicity and peace.
All we gather is misery.

Another one of those...

Blogger meets?
No no no. This is another Secret Joint Venture for sure. Joint at too many places. 3 bloggers! Well lets say 3 and a half considering Nonedone is twice as tall. Oh wait! beloved_witch (not in the picture) and Game boy (also not in the picture) used to blog. So thats 5.5 bloggers!
This must be something big. We at XT warn other bloggers about such meetings. These meetings don't sound good. There are cameras all around. Flashing and blinding and there is just way to much laughter for it to be normal. There must be something to it. Of course XT will find out.
Below is another picture of a agreement being signed by our, yes OUR very own CEO and Loony from Calcutta. The following one shows proof of apparatus being designed. It is also believed to be a model of a missile launcher! The world is in danger! SOS SOS SOS SOS

excerpt from late night conversation.

chamki: fuck! you know we are so much better than soo many people. We don't lie, we don't mean to harm, we could be sooo much better without somethings and sooo much better with some, little help

I think we should motivate each other more than anything.

We just need a push. We just need a phone call a day and an assurance that our life matters.

g: hmmm, yeah :)

i need a motif to live now oo

chamki: yeah man

g: i would live for good work and good life

chamki: my aims are so confused I dont know what to look at with focus.

I want to live to be good and use my potential

g: i want to live to be happy

chamki: I want regret on the faces of the people who looked down on me

I want to be content with what I create

i want to see, travel to be the best grandmother in the world, with a house and a massage parlour. There! Found my dream again!

g: i just want o forget this chapter of my life, as if it never happened

:)

chamki: I want to be able to make others happy.

g: i just want to sleep now

i am going
g: please pray for me, pray that i have the courage and strength to live through this

chamki:I'll pray. dont worry. trust the unknown, I bet its better than what you know

chamki: good night

Morning! Mourning! Moaning! Mooning?

Just thought of a morning notsolong ago. M and me did what we had planned. That's so rare! This morning was similar. I began Yoga Class again. Its a strange thing- Bhaang. People like me should stay away from it. We are capable of sending ourselves on plenty of cranky, sad, nostalgic, hormonally violently happy, numb and I-want-to-change-the-world trips. We should try to use our heads a little more. I do not recommend Bhaang to anyone who has at any time in their life felt charged or melancholy, which basically rules out all the people who live or notice ANYTHING ! The physical drugged effect can last up to 2 days but the thoughts and the visions you have perceived never leave. So... do yoga and enjoy Xanadu Times, every morning, with your cup of tea or coffee.(Also, milo milk! hee hee) I was supposed to be talking about morning and mornings! Oh well!

~360 Degrees of Depressville~
~Long Ramble in Celebration~
fellow crankies cordially invited
to
chamkorani.blogspot.com

This ramble is in benefit of those whom I don't write emails, letters to or chat with.

The past is always glorious isn't it? Why is that the present doesn't excite? Why is there a constant incomplete, a deep dug hole in the head? I understand everyone has their moods their highs and their lows but I believe or like to believe that there is always someone we can share our depressville with. I believe there is always a way out. But this very belief that worries me most. If there is way why can't I find it? Often when I write, in word I understand thought differently. There are many things we say which sound great and these we believe in word. Like, everything will be OK, or, life finds a way. Really? The more I think about them the more they worry me. But to stop thinking is to give up. How can I decide now what I want my future to be? I know it doesn't depend on me alone, but I'm supposed to have an answer right? What I want to study, what work I want to do, which college. Right now I seem unsure. Unsure of my choices. Unsure of my beliefs. I don't know even the simplest of things. What do I want to eat? What colour do i pick? What is my next step? I see too much possibility or none. I see myself learning another language, a classical dance form and massage. I see myself running a Coffee Shop with a partner. (Anyone interested email me. I'm ready to begin work right away) At the same time I'm unsure of taking a break from study. I haven't filled in my papers. Can't get myself to study. I want to run a long stretch of beach. I want to scream. I want to be able to dream again and follow it. I need to replenish. C-H-A-N-G-E.
All elderly advice welcome.

I dive into the past
as easily as
a warm knife
in butter does.

Is there a world beyond
the curve of your arm?
Is there love in the
kiss of another?
Is there someone
who wants to listen?
Is there someone who wants to
peacefully co-exist with you
for e v e r ~

Holi. The sea. The pale lavender soap. The smell of fish. Orange flags. Boats. Lots of them. The low window. The hum of the pigeon. The pale white curtains fluttering. The dusty white walls. The faint azaan. Your body. Your face. Your skin.
I need a ear. I close again. I eclipse. The simplest most tiniest truth I know is that there is no way to reach to you. So much time has passed. I have changed I believe. There is so much i want to tell you. But why do I? After all that has passed between us and others. What is it that still ties you to me. What is that will pass your mind if I see you? What is the thought that manages to escape the box of limits and touches you? What is it that you think of me? What is it that you remember of me? Do you remember how much I am capable of loving you?

recording days in predictions.
life in statistics.
moments as mails.
My sense of time
is lost
somewhere.
My sense of sight sank
to the base of the pool.

Random bits of information
desperate to be connected are
collected here.

Waiting.
silently
breathing one dusty sigh
after the next.

Today's Outlook for

Monday March 05, 2007
Yesterday | TODAY | Tomorrow

Buried tensions are coming to the surface so we can more readily deal with our suppressed issues. The Sun's annual conjunction with Uranus, the most unusual planet in our solar system, can rattle our metaphysical windows and shake our emotional walls. Even the Moon's entry into polite Libra at 4:25 am EST isn't enough to moderate this wild and unpredictable energy. Still, we should think twice before acting in a potentially offensive manner.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
You may need to step outside the box and surprise someone with your willingness to take a risk. However, if you are overly cautious, something unexpected could happen to you. One way or another, hidden tensions will suddenly be released. This will either be initiated by you or happen to you. Ultimately, it's better if the disclosure comes from within.