SEE WITH EYES SHUT

~360 Degrees of Depressville~
~Long Ramble in Celebration~
fellow crankies cordially invited
to
chamkorani.blogspot.com

This ramble is in benefit of those whom I don't write emails, letters to or chat with.

The past is always glorious isn't it? Why is that the present doesn't excite? Why is there a constant incomplete, a deep dug hole in the head? I understand everyone has their moods their highs and their lows but I believe or like to believe that there is always someone we can share our depressville with. I believe there is always a way out. But this very belief that worries me most. If there is way why can't I find it? Often when I write, in word I understand thought differently. There are many things we say which sound great and these we believe in word. Like, everything will be OK, or, life finds a way. Really? The more I think about them the more they worry me. But to stop thinking is to give up. How can I decide now what I want my future to be? I know it doesn't depend on me alone, but I'm supposed to have an answer right? What I want to study, what work I want to do, which college. Right now I seem unsure. Unsure of my choices. Unsure of my beliefs. I don't know even the simplest of things. What do I want to eat? What colour do i pick? What is my next step? I see too much possibility or none. I see myself learning another language, a classical dance form and massage. I see myself running a Coffee Shop with a partner. (Anyone interested email me. I'm ready to begin work right away) At the same time I'm unsure of taking a break from study. I haven't filled in my papers. Can't get myself to study. I want to run a long stretch of beach. I want to scream. I want to be able to dream again and follow it. I need to replenish. C-H-A-N-G-E.
All elderly advice welcome.