something italian

I've been looking for a song by Franco Battiato all day. Bertha used it for stretching. It was him singing through it without making too much of an effort. Thats all the information I have. Anyone, someone, anywhere, somewhere guided by the angels, with any clue please leave a word.

Blog Title Generator

I'm sick and home and taking a tour across the blogosphere with the beatles, and this is a great find. The Random Desi Blog Title Generator

This is why you should take your horoscope seriously

Virgo Horoscope

(Aug 23 - Sep 22)

No matter how competent you are, you can suffer now if others don't recognize your contribution. Uncharacteristically, you might work even harder than normal to garner the attention you want. This, in turn, could make you may feel less romantic than usual. If you think you should be doing more, remember that it's inefficient to waste your energy on guilt. It's smarter to focus your attention on the love that is real.

I don't even know why this post should be public. I know what it means and that's what I really care about today. You know, we often hang on to the image of a person and why this person is so good for you. This weekend, I had conversations with people hanging onto someone they really like only (or more importantly) because they'd like a person such as MR. X in their lives. A said she hung onto a guy she knew since she was a kid only because she saw her being really happy in his family. Living with her Mr. X who did a and b and c for a living gave her story the setting she desired. Now, he is exotic- a tennis star who is extremely arrogant and very rarely happy. Who wouldn't want to be the one to pour some rainbow into his life? How often do we meet someone who is fairly stable, makes you comfortable, is friendly, funny and not afraid to talk and are able to like him? Now this kind of person often is the opposite of the exotic character we would like in our lives- you know the MBA kind, or a CA. I don't really find that very exciting, their salaries are just some numbers to me, a car and a suit doesn't matter too much. But we, (namely me) are too afraid to like someone who is not a weirdo. Its pretty sad. I would never admit of liking an accountant. Oh no! Why on earth! Is there no photographer, writer, musician, actor, dancer, poet, journalist, radio jockey, film maker left for us snobs of the highest arty farty order? I exaggerate... but not too much.

It felt good realizing this. And then my horoscope said:

It's smarter to focus your attention on the love that is real.

The Secret Delights of Love and the Merchants of Menace

Here is a cheap book I bought to draw in and these are the drawings I made. Any resemblance to any human dead or alive is purely coincidental. Life's been very unpretty recently - diarrhoea and all that.I had the weirdest dream today. Not the weirdest content I say but what happens is I have a bit of an argument with Kirs about the house and how she makes a mess of everything, you know, the usual, then walk towards the bathroom and spit a lot in the wash basin. I woke up to find that I had actually- a split second before I woke up - spat on the pillow and on my hair. I had to wash up and panic all at the same time. Bloody hell, all this when I'm not even on any drugs or pills. The other day I dreamt I was a fish in bed and my mosquito net was a fishing net. I was the fish in love with a fisherman willingly getting caught. Yesterday, I dreamt Smriti Irani, the lady who plays Tulsi in Kyunki (Kyunki... remember my Irish friend?) saying in an interview that she likes Bjork's music (!?!?)
Akshay: you're really good at these - you can make a career out of them, if you want to.
Chamki: the dreams?
Akshay: you never know, you could become an overpaid prophet of dreams. i can sell visions and you can sell dreams. together we'll be merchants.
Chamki: merchants of menace?

akshay is a photu man. he thinks he sells visions, excuse him.

I'm bad at this

Silly women make interesting mistakes by saying interesting things to men who are actually women. Men as a matter of fact, are women. I will not explain why. I don't need to. I've had the luck (!?!?) of meeting some very very interesting men in my life. The ex boy, the romeo, the fling, the crushes, the inbetweens, the one i can't get, the one who won't get me, the pull and push guy, the poor boy, the arty farty, the brotherly, the Rudigore, the no chemistry guy... it may never end.
Last year's journal (2006) contains a letter I wrote to myself about the three types of guys who will always be around and the choice that I always make. I emailed it to myself in the future so that one day when I'm famous and still single, or broke and heart broken, or strangely arrange married I will find it my mailbox, be surprised at how wise I was even at such a delicate age. I'm not a fling person but post the one and only boyfriend long time ago there have been none who want to stand by me. Its either the I'm visiting your city- lets go for drinks- why don't you stay over. OR movies- pop corn- drink- why don't you stay over. OR common friend's party- drinking- why don't you stay over. Sometimes, walk on the beach- gin gola- why don't we meet again. Rarely walk down slope holding hands- a peck on the cheek. It used to be good- walk me home- I'll call you- meet at class- meet at a park- meet at the promenade- meet at the beach- meet again and again and again till peck on the cheek- drinks- movie- drink-why don't you stay over. But recently its been the most random men. Clueless. The last guy I was dating- rudigore- not ok. Should have looked for that ISI mark. Bloody hell, people make disorders, issues, fake ex-girlfriend's ditching them, do anything for saying no commitment full fun. I'm not a fling person I repeat. I'm not interested in someone who doesn't have a collective memory. Someone who has an attention span of 16 seconds can't really make conversation you know. And then this same Rudigore who fakes things from a to z goes on to say things about me to would be female victims that I'm thick. I quote- some women are beautiful, some are stupid but she is plain thick.

He is stupid enough to think I'm asleep and say this in the same room as me. Grow up and face your stuff I say! Then there is known stranger who only grows stranger by the day. I really don't care how small this internet world is but...the man is the master of mixed signals.If it wasn't for the school boy looks and the brightest laughter I wouldn't chase him.Hey! I'm not chasing him. Ok.. I'm bad at this as well. I'm bad at pretending I'm busy when I'm not and at being distracted when I'm not. I don't know why someone is worth my attention in the first place but I end one story to begin another usually so till clarity arrives I point my torch light and wait. I know I shouldn't be as silly as to calculate the marginal utility in every interaction with the opposite sex but it scares me that the other person is one step ahead of me almost playing me along. I was aware Rudigore was playing mindgames but I'd like him not to so I put trust on it. And trust is as complicated as trigonometry. I was always bad at maths so..

But yesterday I discovered this other guy...

and he has a girl.

everything in one post

Sometimes what I really love about Bangalore is the ability to be away from a lot of unnecessary nonsense of Bombay and big cities that need to make news out of you. Things get picked up too soon like fast food quickly made, very little flavour, too much tampering and fancy packaging. I've had two great weeks with Bertha and Henk and Chris working on pure movement, stage lighting and an environment- an installation to dance within. It reminds me why I moved away from the place where things really happen. I don't want to live in a city where you could spend a week looking at other people's work- its good and all that but I want make my own you see and this place has that balance. Bertha bertha bertha. I wish she would stay back, she could (with her husband) move into my house. She doesn't say much but provides a quite place that induces intensity into the most frivolous mind. I'm trying to say something like she is honest or genuine but these words aren't enough. True could be close.2008 has begun well with focus and less Brigit Jones' feelings. I was Chutki yesterday for a play at some NASSCOM meeting- good food and free booze, the perfect way to end the week with a long weekend. I have Monday off and I'm buying a new table for my room. I love being busy.
Bertha and EG PC's work
EG PC Double Points video

Today is one of the days you feel like a coldplay song. I have that feeling that something somewhere is going really wrong.

Slipping in before class begins

I want to talk about my Sim City Life and the idea of recreation - Forum Mall. This place is reserved for that. Plenty of stationary, music, clothes you look good in and never buy because of the tag and Food World!

Thank God its Monday!

I think I'm the only person in the world who is happy to wake up at 5 and go to rehearsal at 6 followed by class at 8 on a monday morning. It was a strange morning though. I couldn't see beyond the windscreen of the autoriskshaw because there was a thick layer of white all around me. Bangalore is bloody foggy in the mornings, the kind of foggy that makes you look like you are smoking without a cigarette. I know I've been describing a lot of Bangalorian weather these days but its the first time I'm experiencing a winter.
I've also discovered I just love being busy from one thing to another. Yesterday was busy too. A party where few turned up and the booze was too much too handle. People who turned up on time were drunk by 8 and I don't even remember much of what I said. It is quite difficult to avoid your flatmate's house party.

Therefore,
Thank God its Monday!


Virgo Love Horoscope (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Be careful about who you share your private thoughts with this weekend. You may feel safe unloading your emotions with someone who may not be as interested as you think. Try to stay on the positive side, especially if you're just getting to know someone and are interested in becoming closer.

Rs. 10 extra, or one and a half meter?

Well.. I was very determined to make this post about the insensitivity I've been noticing around myself these days. No, its not the endangered species, state of stray dogs, women... its about Autorickshaw drivers in Bangalore. Yesterday was a strike, hardly! They refuse to take you where you want to go 92% of the time on regular days so the strike was more of a relief. One expected them to pose outside malls like Kannada film heroes and thats exactly what they did- some with newspapers, bidis , cell phones and etcs. We waited outside Forum mall 'patiently observing' their attitude for about an hour and a half. At 6pm when the strike was officially over I declared that an ambulance would be a cheaper and more effective way of reaching home safe. I don't know how these guys live with themselves night after night having earned money begging for it and almost pulling it out of people's pockets. How they form a breed of people so similar in ethics amazes me. I'm really curious what makes them all want to drain money from the other person. I'm sure there must be some reason. I'd like a dictaphone to do some interviews. Where do they think the money in my bag comes from? Is it really boring riding around the city silent? Is that why they want to negotiate money or have an argument? The last guy who asked me where I wanted to go and pretended that the answer would matter got an exciting reply- I told him I would like to go to his house and beat the shit out of him in front of his wife. I don't want to be saying things like this man, but thats how frustrated you get with them. I'd like to discover this one place, just one where every auto driver would like to go, some kind of paradise?
But the post, sadly, is not about this kind of insensitivity. Its about the sweet things that travel from my brain into your kitchen through the imaginary chimney on the left. Its about me unable to receive text messages missing rehearsal for a play I'm currently involved in. Its about walking in an autorickshaw who finally agreed to go to Mantri Classic in the dark corners of Bangalorian universe with 2 slippers on and walking out with just one of them. The other one slipped out when no one was watching, escaping the burden of its existence. And... its about fame:

Hi,
We would like to extend an invite to you for Barkha's show, 'We the People' for this Saturday (12/01). The show is on the blogging culture in India. Largely, discussing the New Brave World Of Blogs. How something that was supposed to be a personal diary has now become a social phenomenon. What kind of influence do blogs have? Do we need an authority to govern and monitor blogs? and more...

We would be highly obliged if you could please take out some time and join us for the show in Delhi on Saturday.

Your views on the subject are of great value. Please let us know if this is possible.
Thank you

Dxxxxx Sxxxxxxx

yours quirky alone,
chamki

The things you know from my life to your kitchen # 2

Today,
I walked out of the house in my friend's slip ons instead of mine. His slip ons are size 9 and I usually, under very very normal circumstances wear a size 5. I'm at class unsuccessfully blogging at lunch hour about the looks I'm getting. My Dutch teachers think it must be an Indian thing to do, others think I do it to be cool, or hippie. Meanwhile my James' email says:
Sometimes D you will meet people who resent the light that comes from you.
Pity them.

pity pity pity
chamki

The sweet things from my life into your kitchen

Today,
I almost choked on my hair while dancing.

22nd December
can be the longest night of
the year
when you meet someone strange
in a strange way,
count the time from one airplane to
the next in kisses
and study the transfer of heat in hugs.

A not so full moon shines on two
holding hands on the wet roof.
Beer soaked pants and dry lips.

Sometimes a moment's magic is not in the moment but the words that describe it.

22nd December IS the longest night in the year.

Every week I get something like this

General Weekly Love Horoscope

Tender feelings can be easily bruised this weekend as moods swing so fast that there's no time to explain them. The ups and downs of romance may undermine security in relationships, but a flexible attitude makes it possible to adjust quickly and maintain one's balance. Seek new experiences without shocking someone you love.

Thats all the love in my life. Not one email contains the word love, not one message, not one phone call. So my flatmates hear about it all the time. They think I'm the perfect candidate to star in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.So we got a copy and watched it. I've made notes even. I can't receive messages again and I'm glad this one time.There is a lot that has been happening. Too much to handle actually. From being subjected to a lot of gossip about people you know, about people you don't know- Bollywood gossip, to heading an institution called FOLA (frustrated one sided lovers association) to being gifted Tarot card decks, treats, wine, fights with parents, meeting up old friends, cursing all the friends who didn't meet me (plenty) and a pleasant walk around the area I live on New Year eve, I've done it all, in style and drama, TECHNICOLOUR I say.

Class has been great the past few days. I've been in a trance. I don't really know what I want to say about this but when I'm dancing some thoughts come to me. I can't say they are entirely mine because the music and the teachers influence them.

1. pretty things are not beautiful, they are a cluster of pretty things.
2. to please is easy. (I dont want to)

3. Extreme physical movement conditions you. Its addicting and you can have withdrawal symptoms.

4. european contemporary dance is like scribbling. it doesn't want to say anything meaningful. It doesn't want you to think over things, find symbols that relate to your everyday. It makes movement and thats it. It makes a space fluid, compact, thick and it plays with time, the only things present at the point of the performance. Its egoless, very conceptual.

5. light begins from dark.

6. i don't want what i wish for.

7. Writers make characters out of themselves in their real lives. Finding comfort in defining for themselves and those around what kind of person they are.

8. Two windows of a train are never the same shade of yellow.

9. I am (so much) better off writing my thoughts in a book then saying them aloud or texting them to random creatures of the night.

10. Candles with big flames look like they are crying.

11.I'm afraid of people who make promises.

12. I'm my best self alone. I've decided to be that way.

13. some nights in Bangalore are extremely cold. Almost unreal. On such nights if you go out cycling the only way to keep warm is to push your body to its extreme. The faster you go the colder your skin gets and gently a warmth rises somewhere within. This warmth is the only peace that can put you to sleep.

14. I see no glory in loneliness and pain.

Thats my number bulleted head for those of you who still wander about here. I'm seriously reconsidering the existence of this blog.

chamki

I'm back from Bombay. It didn't seem like much of a vacation. No, happy holidays don't exist anymore. Though bipolar behaviour, issues and prayers do. So, I'm planning to substitute unnecessary jabber with blogging as quickly as I can get connected to the internet at home. There will be more postcards, so people can still leave their postal address with me.

a little less love ,
chamki