lusty peasant child

The whole world seemed to melt away when I heard Mahima's voice on the phone this afternoon. I knew not any sorrow, or anything at all. I know now that there are opportunities for people, and people for people who stick to truth or at least try.I don't mean the reality bites, right-here-right-now-TV-news kind of truth but the I-really-don't-need-to-prove-I'm-better-than-I-am kind of truth. I'm proud of my limitations and of my stories, of how I met and grew to love mahima.
Mahima is the sound of spontaneity and comforting warm hugs full of love. She is the mild yellow light that exposes the softness of sharp objects in long patient tarot readings. Mahima is also, the lusty peasant child standing at a stationary store. Mahima is colours gradually blending and completing a book of thoughts. FULL TECHNICOLOUR. Mahima is M for moodiness. Mahima is also afternoons in the sun spent laughing. Mahima is calling me to Nepal again!

and I'm going!

How bad can times be?

The only partner through misery just left me alone. My cell phone couldn't take how unfair life has been to me and in turn killed itself adding to my misery. My lovely pink phone with no great features turned blue just while it rested next to my computer screen. I wonder what could have caused this terrible calamity. Since nothing can be explained it must be suicide. The phone still rings with messages and texts but I can't see them. Today, and yesterday and a few days before haven't been great. In fact they haven't been remotely okay. I got yelled at being ill often, for having no strength for class. Well, I don't really have aching ribs often. Who knew, who cared? only my physiotherapist and my cell phone. This treatment is super expensive as well.
And now I can't even tell anyone. I'd really like to go outside, meet someone, talk with the stars above us. Read some peotry to each other, I've been starving for this for no particular reason. I want to sing in a group and play board games. I'm thinking about giving up my cell phone forever.

these creatures of the zodiac

I wondered why a lion could feel left out with a scorpion and a fish. I guess some creatures belong to the same family and it makes them better for each other.I might have been really off track in my thinking but feelings don't lie. My horoscope makes sense of exactly what I do.
Friday, Apr 11th, 2008 -- First you expect support from your friends and colleagues and then you get disappointed and push them away. It may seem contradictory, but you appreciate the camaraderie while also knowing that you can do it by yourself. There's nothing to gain by irritating others, so soften your stance and graciously take the help, even if you're already doing fine.

What about the salvation of the undigestible onion?

It all began one day when it was fated that I shall uncover the mysteries of lower beings. Krushnaa, who decided to be one of the creatures in my homely surroundings was consuming chicken biryani with me. She had loaded her plate with a heap of rice and realised she had left the sliced onions in the kitchen. I was promptly summoned to fetch them. But distracted by very exciting conversation across the kitchen and the dinning room the unlucky onions stayed where they were. Even as Krushnaa secondhelped her plate with another heap of rice, no attention was paid to the sulking onions that lay beside.
Thus the thought appeared. The salvation of the onions, the aim of their existence, what lies beyond their life.. from the time they are plucked from the plants, plucked from life, processed and carried- being their time in purgatory to finally be digested to become one with all of their kind- must be the secret of the afterlife of the onion.

Alas, these onions suffer the bad luck of an undigested hell.

what to do

As Bombay grows nearer my mind scatters more. I go home to my parents, friends, a life I've known and names I remember with fondness. Its dramatic big city life or the illusion of it. The sea breeze. Several fingers tugging at me are pulling in different directions, a sister who planted the seed of goa in my mind, a known stranger who would like to see me in bangalore, Krushnaa, who wants to me to visit her and accompany her to Trivandrum (I would like to), Kirsten, who says Nepal is the place for the owner of a lonely heart like mine, and me, who would like to stay close to my parents, with everyone around me, my sister, my family, friends, and yes known strangers too. But life's not like that.
I want to go to a place like Gokarna, or to my idea of it. Scorching beaches and bodies roasting lazily in the sun only to take a dip once in a while. I want to sit around in Bombay, at the beach, walking around in Bandra and visiting my private church. Really doing nothing much, more soaking in. I want to return smelling of the sea breeze.But the whole universe seems to be working against it.

nothing of great significance

a lone
like a feild of plastic half a kilometre thick around me
or so it seems sometimes.
It takes as long as thunder takes after the strike of lightening
for me to hear what your lips move to say.
a world in bombay moves faster than I can think in bangalore.
things change while I blink, eat my breakfast and do my laundry,
and my awareness lifts above me and looks down on myself
thinking nothing of great significance.
squashed in a bed with 4 others
packed like sardines in a tin.
with forced touch and warmth of bodies
purposefully asleep.
I saw from the ceiling
myself alone with a wish to be able to
hear.

The mail is playing with my emotions

The only male I choose to keep in my life right now is gmail, and even he doesn't stop from playing with my emotions. If you know me, you would also know about the dream I have about an old lady in Bandra falling in the middle of the road while crossing. I save her and inherit her fortune because she has no children and her husband left her long ago. I nurse her for a few days. Then I inherit her lovely Parsi bungalow in Bandra mostly on Turner road, the one with lovely stained glass green windows. I don't mind the big haunted looking one at Bandstand either. Then one room to artists who don't have studio space, dancers actors, the bastards of the society, lots of space for me and my parents. Lots of creation etc. Big, lavish, in terms of space is this dream.

Today, in my inbox, this:

Dear in Christ,

Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am Mrs Mariam Kofi, from (Kuwait). I am married to Mr Edward Kofi, who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast, for nine years before he died in the year 2005. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again christians. Since after his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$850.000 dollars in a bank here in Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire. Ever since, my husband died, I became seriously sick including the stroke that have made it impossible for me to walk with my leg again. Few days ago, my Doctor told me that, if I want to live for the next few months. I need to under-go a major heart operation this week, as a result of my kidney and breast cancer problem, which I have been suffering from for many years. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Infact, my sickness has made my life so miserable and am no longer interested in material things. It was because of this reason, I took the final decision to contact you to help me utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here.

Please, am believing that you are a child of God?. I want you to use this funds for orphanages, schools, hospitals, churches and widows propagating the word of God and endeavour to see that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hands that giveth".

Note: I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband's relatives are idol whorshipers and I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death, hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosoom of the Lord.

I don't need any telephone communication in this transaction, because of my health, and my husband's relatives are always around me. I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.

I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this funds. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth.

Please always be prayerful all through your life. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.

Hoping to receive your reply.

Remain blessed in the Lord.

Sister: Mrs Mariam Kofi

many, many

There hasn't been much honest word on this blog now. I had decided not to talk about myself, my life etc. I've got smallish job assignments- to write for a website, to make up an art class, to do some dancing for parties and the writing which I thought would be the easiest of the lot hasn't been happening. I guess not talking about myself results in silence. I'm no writer. I don't write about the weather (not that writers do, but they can, I mean they can write about anything or are supposed to.) I can write about me and things that begin or end, or cut or touch, or you know bother ME. So, I'm back to talking about what I ate today, how I think silence is music and John Cage can do what he wants, how Star TV's employees party and how I have loads to write as work.

Among many, many things that have passed in this period, one of the noteworthy would be the discussion that sprang in theory class last week. All big discussions according to Chamki's third law of commotion are caused by asking very, very simple questions. What is dance? What is not dance? movement? what about non- movement? So if the lights come on in an auditorium and a person walks on to stage and stays still for 12 mins is that a dance performance? Is movement really movement if there is no stillness? Is stillness movement if there is no movement? Well, I'm not going to discuss this here. The point of telling you this is that my Yoga teacher walked in on this conversation where he heard Yours Truly saying "Krushnaa, Silence is also music is what he was trying to say, or hear the silence. Probably making a statement". Of course, this hit him with the magnitude of a derogatory statement made against his religion, or even more than that. A few sentences later he can't hear me. He said a few things, I don't remember much- How can you say that? Check the dictionary only sound can be music. And then he got hotter and hotter like a little school boy fighting to justify and said I should get myself checked for saying such shit in class. Now, under normal circumstances I would take stuff like this as a joke and laugh it off but the words echoed like they had been said too often to me. I don't know why it should even bother me that another person who doesn't think like me would want me to be observed and solved, corrected in many ways. I know I'm no extra ordinary thinker revolutionizing man's point of view so I cannot bare is how these men, slightly older of age and possessors of scantier hair think it their birth right to jut into conversation and make judgemental propositions. Why can't people remember the subject of the bloody conversation. Anyway, it sent me blood boiling straight out of class and out of college. I was stopped by, well, what can you call her... She's just like one of the many, many nuns in a convent, no real designation but generally is everyone's mother, so I told her what happened and she smiled. You know Divya, there will be many, many people in your life who don't understand your point of view (thank you for blessing me with such favourable surroundings) and you just have to deal with them.
The next day, I was half expecting Yoga Sir, to show up with a printout of the definition of music from Wiki or better still from the Child Craft series. But there was just silence. musical.
I guess he read this on wiki
The definition of music is a contested evaluation of what constitutes music and varies through history, geography, and within societies. Definitions vary as music, like art, is a subjectively perceived phenomenon. Its definition has been tackled by philosophers, lexicographers, composers, teachers, semioticians or semiologists, linguists, scientists, and musicians.

Virgo Horoscope

(Aug 23 - Sep 22)

Saturday, Apr 5th, 2008 -- You will probably say what's on your mind now, even if you aren't being socially or politically correct. You can surprise others with your position, but don't waste time worrying about what anyone else thinks. As long as you act with kindness and integrity, you're not responsible for how others react. Nevertheless, you can be compassionate without becoming codependent.