A Hard Day's Night

Every once in a while come those days which make you question what you are doing. Today, was not one of those days. But, what am I doing here anyway? I decided to be associated with design and make money for further education, life on my own etc. Life seems tough. Specially since living as a woman is such a task in itself. Getting home is an issue even when it is only 9. K suggests i should get a boy friend who will pick me up and drop me. I think very few people are lucky enough for that kind of life. And knowing myself, I know I wont like the guy who will be willing to do something as sweet as that. I'll fall for the one who wont do anything sweet.
Half the reason i'm writing this when I'm so pooped is because the Beatles decided to sing Hard day's Night. Today I wish to order food and booze from outside and dance for myself, because well, there isn't going to be anyone who I want to be here with anyway. No this post is not talking about my loneliness. I meet some interesting women at work. They work with me at a store that sells Indian kitsch. They come from nearby villages, speak Kanada and Tamil (which I'm also learning.) only yet, manage to write bills in English and help around. But I can't deal with being indoors for soooo long. I spend the morning at the design studio, then the store and then I can't hang around outside but have to sulk to myself at home. All these walls are blocking the sky for me.

What about my visions of holding hands by the sky? What about singing and guitars and groups of people? Distant trees bobbing their heads with the music, some lollying in love, others in dope. I don't want to make Bangalore another Bombay. I know people who can laze in Bombay, its not Bombay to blame. Its me. I'm the one who books herself and then hunts for time. But when I don't have anybody to meet I rather sit and sell trinklets to firangs.

I think the Beatles are evil. Love is not all I need. I need money and a window and a place where my plants can catch some sun. I need a kaliedoscope and someone to cook for me on occasions when I'm tired. I'd like to have a luxurious martini now, or some gin with served with love. But life is cleaning spinach, cutting, washing and cribbing on blog.

The camera is back with my cousin. Cycle is being arranged and somewhere in the background the Beatles tell me what my parents are thinking. Don't let me down girl, don't let me down.

I should just give up the thought that I will ever be able to write about anything and anyone other than me.
yours miss unedited again

P.S: Took the bus today for the first time in this city. All on my own. Just asked people, and realised anyone who has been living here and taking the bus to right next to where I live is still as clueless as me. Such is the mind of the ever evolving homo sapien today. When I informed a friend (!?!) about my current status (= I'm lost) I was told to just keep going left. Yes such is the mind of the average grown up.
Came home to see this in my mail box:

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)

As you list all your possible choices, you may ultimately be pulled between two very different directions. On one hand, you are drawn toward a practical and reliable solution. On the other hand, you might receive an intuitive flash that seems too far out. Even if it's not your style, trust your intuition. The road most often traveled isn't the best one to take now.

(2 jobs, 2 possibilities, the road less travelled, the bus route?. Not bad, who is this guy! who is writing these!)