That which is and has been and will be in full detail with dates...

Bandra is where my life meets its end- that places that blurs and becomes the beginning. Not a day is spent here without bumping into somebody I knew about 6 years ago. School friends,people from college, people who wouldn't know me anymore, people who wish they didn't know me. Perhaps, this is just that time of the year, folding over, creasing into the pages I was turning 6 years ago. The last 3 weeks have been the most peculiar. Not that life is ever boring, or empty- juiceless, but this is the simplest most honest proof that life is only spirally deeper. It is the same circle moving a level lower into itself with mild increase in understanding perhaps .(or not!)

Collecting here, classic Chamki style excerpts of the Daily Babble, the stream of consciousness writing:
1. Beware. Extremely long and fragmented.
2. For best results read in bite-size portions.
3. Hello my friend Adrian Mole. we be alike!

1 June 2011.

On Moving to a new house and setting up today said the I-Ching:

The cooking pot symbolises nourishment and rejuvenation. Sooner or later, good comes to those who bring humour to others, oppurtunity comes to those who persist in their dreaming. Rejuvenation is a returning to innate desires- and a re-charging or batteries through the fulfilment of these wishes. Only when great vitality is present can a breakthrough be achieved.

2 June 2011.

Today, came the sweetest email in my mailbox since email was probably invented.(And it was from a woman!) I will cherish this as inspiration and a pat on my back for life, to trust in the things I do.
excerpt:

Dear Chamko,
You might think this message is weird but I will write it anyway...
I have known you since you were 16. The first time I met you, you were wearing a dress and had a flower in your hair. I was struck by how attractive you were but dismissed you a pretty young thing at that time.
But over the years I got to know you better.. On those bus rides we talked and you told me very personal and intimate things and I remember you said you wanted your own house someday and were collecting things to put into that house. You used to collect them under your bed. The story amused me no end.
I have a demon memory... and I just looked at some of the stuff on facebook and realised you are living your dream, of that independence that you yearned for in Bombay. That home you wanted with pretty things that you had collected, is a home you have discovered in so many different cities and countries. And, I'm really happy for you. Your sense of freedom and passion is palpable. Keep it going :)10th July 2011.

Not much was written, since the HOUSE WARMING WEEKEND was happening with Jitu and K. We spend several days warming this new house I have. Actually, warming is not something it required. Jitu had to get on the roof and I handed him buckets of water, so cool the walls. Several tarot readings, power cuts and even Osho and No-show videos later, the house began feeling like a home.

12th July 2011.
Relations. Fondness and Attachment.
Our lives have their own paths and sometimes they meet, intersect with the path of other people, institutions, groups but essentially our journey is our own. There is great joy in crossing paths, meeting friends again and sadness in leaving them but one must remember that none of this is who we are (wholly) or what life is.

13th July 2011.

Waiting till Tuesday for electrician and plumber and holding the dream of a kitchen garden. Waiting is only listening, while someone else is busy, talking.

26th June 2011.

Subject : On the lines of - Don't laugh.
But I believe I'm on the path to enlightenment.
WE ARE PARTICLES
We are as free as an atom is, as an electron is. The other day when I said this to a friend, he said even electrons have personalities - it is in their unique number of spins.
WE ARE PARTICLES growing aware of other particles - wondering what they do and how they behave.The Earth's unique rotation governs our time. Perhaps the earth is just another electron. It is where the minute meets the gigantic perhaps where the trivial becomes the fundamental. The electron and the earth. And I thought, this thought made our social life sort of purposeless, meaningless. A huge waste of time. But perhaps, just as an electron must life a lifetime in a hundredth of a milisecond of a reaction, just as the house fly does in a day, we live our lives in what we can perceive. ( this we have begun to call time?)

28th June 2011.

The smell of olive oil reminds me of the time spent in Ibiza and spanish love. In all its myopic difficulty, it was a great experience of freedom and solitude. Love blossomed with the sweetness of the melocoton and turned sour with the fruit.

30th June 2011.

Today, while working on the illustrations I played Mercedes Sosa songs that the Spanish gave me. But this one song, seemed to have a special pull, a spiral tugging me deeper, so I put it on repeat. I understood some of it on the first hearing, not all.

2-3rd June 2011.

Yesterday, whenever that was, has been 4 days in one. flight. migraine. a part of me long frozen and blocked, just melted. new ways of remembering past memories. just like everything else memories are also constantly transforming. One is remembering and forgetting details within the same memory, and something that happened a good 6 years ago in a 24 year old life is a good 1/4th of that life. The file of such a memory long sealed and closed, sat like a rock, part crystal, part love, part rock, part block of hurt. Stirred.We inhabit similar spaces, once again. It would be surprising if we are not stars which circle the same sky together and then grow apart only to co-exist, and inhabit a close space, a ceremony of a performance that stirs our hearts in unison.
We are all one.
On returning home, I realized a hurt long crystallized makes no sense anymore. I should have spoken to them after watching Blue Mug. Perhaps they don't know where to start. Neither do I. Feels strange to write their names, even say them aloud in my head. Well, if we don't know where to begin, we could begin with a hug. An embrace.
Perhaps, there is a reason for this delay in closure. A time to consider, to relish and understand finer meaning.Its far too easy to apologise on an impulse. One must nurture this feeling of openness and acknowledge that we are truly stupid and will always be.
Met another time, the beautiful soul I long cherish. Let peace replace fear within him.

4th July 2011.

Tarot reading for performance reveals love.
cards: Ace of Cups. The Hierophant - for raj. The Sun.
Ace of cups: love. That which inspires us to create and share, that very essential beginning of life.A cup full and brimming. Liquidity- that which is fluid and flexible.
The Heirophant - for Rajyashree: Rockstar. Position of influence. Knowing one's forte using it in this time of need.
The Sun: The joy of victory. An innocent joy of a baby. remember that. (may be I'll need it) All is full of love. Fullness, acheivement, beauty, accepting gifts.


5th July 2011.

Childhod conditioning "Chee chee"
GOOD GIRL - BAD GIRL.
The kind of stuff that takes years to unlearn. The fat earth isn't suddenly sitting on a tortoise. 360 degree- ness of things. Gravity, a subtle wind that surrounds us always.

6th July 2011.

Gracias a la vida. Thank you life.

10th July 2011.

On leaving Bangalore by sunset flight.
Watching shadows of clouds stretching endlessly in space. A shadow is in some aspects like water that takes the shape of its container. A shadow must fall on something. Soft white clouds and shadows stretching back into oblivion, vanishing point of time.Neither in earth ,nor in sky, in a thin membrane of an air bubble, life breathes life.
In slices of the night hours, one fights the ego in correcting old games and mistakes.
A think blue fog. As if, nothing exists. There is no distance in the heart and the body doesn't end. There are no borders, yet there is a box. You have made a box and put your name on it. You show me this box once again, but never let me open it. You keep it shut. From time to time, you pull out a cap, a pair of glasses, put back your lenses but it is yet concealed what you really feel.
I attempt to leave a bag of hope in your heart. I know that box will open and its contents you will share, someday. That bag of hope is love and in the simplicity of a rose love triumphs.

11th July 2011.

कहीं तोह यह दिल कभी मिल नहीं पाते ,
कहीं से निकल आये जन्मों के नाते ।

12th Jul 2011.

Remember Humility.

13th July 2011.

This trip to Bombay is to give shape to the work I began with Suraag. An understanding of myself, my truest desires, my values and how I confront conflict, how I stand up for myself and my beliefs and reconcile with my family in the larger sense. All through this paying attention to my artistic voice that is my truest desire in tangible form.
To solely run after any man isn't the balance of life - such severe outward movement only drains that which is within. Hence one has to move slow and find a meeting point. No chasing. The wait is far more challenging than the chase. Hang in there. Do what the moment requires. Love and respect yourself and trust that the situation, the man, the place will show up and meet you. Amen.

14th July 2011.

Spoke to Yusuf. He reminded me and this I publish for the whole of humanity:
You are a diamond in disguise. Let not immediate temporal pleasures muddle your light.
Men can be hunters fired on instincts, women can be seductress fired on instinct.
Keep working on yourself and delve deeper each day.
The saying of the old Shaman who shared it with Yusuf -
Love, is how you feel inside when you are with the other.
A million dollars!

15th July 2011.

Just like a flower opens and shuts as soon as its purpose of attracting pollen through the bees is achieved. We could as women too wilt away and let the bees that are our men running on instincts and hormones run till their seed dies out. An unconscious evolution would continue till the end of time. We are such particles with our fundamentals locked inside us as our instincts. But that isn't the sole purpose of our existence. We share our capability with the star dust that is us. (remember become aware of your possibility, your potential and limitation)

16th July 2011.

Horns induce a state of emergency. Exposure to this on large basis put us on a crazy buzz.

17th July 2011.

Everyone has a weakness. The universe found mine - You.
This wouldn't have happened if it was anybody else.
We can only think back and forth, but the universe is the thinker and the thinking - knowing all at once. Synchronising.
I wonder how much of this- I may be brave to call it - LOVE is between you and me, and how much is between me and the universe.

24th July 2011.

Astrological influence of eclipse on 1 July 2011. from a website. Interesting to observe in hindsight if these correspond to the changes happening.
Sun: Stay purposeful. Be yourself and appreciate yourself.
Moon: Use your intuition and heart to guide you toward what you want.
Saturn: Keep working hard, even when things are discouraging.
Pluto: Use your will power to let go or transform what is no longer serving you.
Uranus: Use your inventive mind and never be afraid of change or being different.

I- Ching: Consistency is important in matters of mutual attraction, for this is what separates courtship from seduction.

25th July 2011.

To which my friend Suneel says : Bring on the inconsistent seductions anytime I say. Consistency is for chocolate mousse and mashed potatoes.

xxx