Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same.

Spending time with myself on a Friday night,
looking back at what the day has been.
For starters I took my antibiotics without eating anything
and no vitamins and had a really bad trip.
Heard of that?
I hadn't.
Everyone was looking at me, accusing me of being a lazy drowsy weakling. The joy of a Subway sandwich brought some relief but then I was back to facebook at the end of the day. Every time I surf the Internet.
I feel like furniture.
Unproductive,
just lying around,
slowly wearing off.
I have nothing to show for me, for who I am or what I do.
Furniture.
Something everyone is so used to around them that they hardly notice the changes. This has been the longest dry patch. Absolutely no drawings that I like, I try but nothing. No writing, no feelings just hallucinations.
Not to self: Forget the beer in the fridge.
Sometimes I think this is how growing up feels like, living on your own feels like, a dancers life feels like, but its just what a life without purpose feels like. This is how it is.

May be, I'm trying too hard.
I want to be able to make something I like. May be I'm making myself something I like. I'm dancing, but a dancer is such a distant person. We touch no stories, inspire nobody. Its pretty selfish. High protein dinner on time, 8 hrs of sleep, 7 glasses of water, vitamins etc. I've had the worst dreams these days and I don't tell anyone because I tell everyone. It feels empty. draining. silly.

I've been to beaches and recreated them in my head, on the terrace. I've sweated my hatred out. I've forgotten how to read in paragraphs. I've bought trainers. I wake on time everyday to jog to class. Ex boyfriends, their appearances, mention etc doesn't bother me. I pushed a guy off the footpath and kicked his chest because he was acting wierd with me. Just a boy on the road. A lot is happening and not happening and I don't know what I want to do with all this information. Thats it.