I don't understand how you can date someone who is married and has a kid who he claims to love. How can you touch him? I don't know how you have a love in far away city and want another near you. How can you sleep at night? I don't understand how love is need. I don't understand how one can be obliged to like. I don't comprehend this feeling. I don't understand how you can want someone enough to make them feel guilty about making you unhappy.I've seen a lot of people lately, I've walked out of places, parties. I'd like to be alone with my thoughts left to me and my journal.
People have to say what they have to say because we are meant to hear it. We design our own matrix, our own learning program, our life. I'm here to hear that you are dissapointed by me and that you misread me to be a likeable person. I'm here to see you assume what I feared you would. Your words make me guilty for being me. I can't be what you want me to be. But I am. You designed me in your life.
I haven't been blogging because these thoughts are so personal I don't say them aloud. This city is so small and so connected, almost caging. There are a million things I don't want to see. Your intentions, your lives with their details. Ignorance is bliss.
Leo Horoscope (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
You could play the role of a protector today as your tendency to nurture others is quite strong. Nevertheless, you might run into an unspoken resistance to your work now as someone tries to undermine your contribution. Don't fight back by taking anyone on directly. Instead, just keep showing up with a positive attitude and do the best you can. Your relentless loyalty to those you love will shine through, no matter what.
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I exist in your world because, in your life, I am your creation. But my life is mine, my world is my own. What I witness does, in some ways, become a part of me. But I can see you and I can see that your life is not mine. You are not me; I am not you. But yet you are, and yet I am. (just thoughts I have from reading your post)
ReplyDeleteI hear you girl. I don't get too many people either.
ReplyDeleteThe rationality of your idea is the most irrational thing to me. Whom do you hate, you or the PEOPLE? There are good people everywhere, if only you can see.
ReplyDeleteI've asked those questions myself: loving two people equally can't be as easy as som people make it out to be. It can't be easy for you, or for those between whome you divide your love. I have this urge to possess a person completely; I cannot share my love.
ReplyDeleteI know what it's like to be outraged with the world and the people around us. Is anyone normal or are we the ones that have lost our minds? Because everyone seems to do the craziest things and not give it a single thought.
ReplyDeleteBut I believe there are people out there that understand us.
To add to the heat of this discussion, "polyamory" is a phenomenon to reckon with; I had a really interesting conversation with a believer (of polyamory) about his beliefs and philosophy about love and relationships. For more insight, check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
ReplyDeletehey..nice blog...well i do feel the same way..but frankly...its ones own heart and feelings have no bounds...i feel nothing should hinder you from blogging..keep posting...
ReplyDeletewow. keep showing up.
ReplyDeletepositive attitude.
be you.
do it chamki
just do it.
care...hope...try...
but only to the point that is just before the point that makes you doubt, lose hope, distracted...
your life...your reality awaits..each and every day...
your design more and more...it is going to be yours : )
oh, and when it comes to the answer to some of these questions you pose...
ReplyDeleteit is that people are making their own answers...they are asking their own questions...or they are not...they are honest..they are dishonest...they have needs..they meet others needs...they care more about their own needs and value what they "find" or experience above others needs as they have defined them ....they may be aware of others needs or they may not..
if only there was honesty all around to everyone's best ability...not always having to have the answers..just being able to consider a larger world...beyond their own world...compartmentalized for convenience where people play supporting roles to their lead...
we are all in this together..but the actions and thoughts don't always say this.
why? choices are made. why?
because there are always choices..made actively or passively
why? because we have so called "free will" why? don't know...but we do...why do we care?
because we want to live in a world where we can experience what matters to us..
well, there are good people everywhere...but not all people do good things..and not all people care...we all try to surround ourselves with people who care, of course...but sometimes we can be hurt or confused or unhappy about the way or choice of others...and we can be this way without hating them or ourselves...hate is such a strong word...there are so many other emotions that can come from thinking and experiencing...and i say, you are brave to put your personal thoughts "out there" when you can have perhaps wrong assumption or conclusion made and maybe hurt feelings..
but how great to know that it is o.k....what another says or thinks..need not cause anything more than what we decide it can cause...after the first split second reaction of course..and this is changed sometimes over time and when similar experience happens to us yet we have thought about it and there is a new first reaction...
am i being vague? hehe..am i being long winded...the long commenter is back! chamki, you got me on one of those nights...
keep on thinking. you do it well : ) ain't (aka there isn't) anything wrong with thinking nor sharing...Roar! (like a lion...leo that you are)
i believe what devilmood says, i know it more and more...: )
one more..you knew it was coming!
ReplyDelete;-)
i saw comment on polyamory...
i heard of that from a friend not long ago..
i read about it..
i think no matter if it's one, two, three loves..or more...
there will be people who strongly believe in honesty...not hiding one relationship from another...not hiding something very significant to oneself from another for whom a committment of sorts was made...
that's the thing ...the thing that matters i think in any relationship..is what was the understanding between the two people...there can be different understandings and agreements so to speak between different people...and these can be altered by both people...but if one person chooses to move away from this without the others knowledge...or if one thinks differently ..still i believe even if it is thought for the others good, to keep this information secret..i believe it is ethically wrong...because i believe unfortunately the possibility of hurt is worth the honesty in order to maintain equal rights..specifically the right to think and feel for oneself...
so there will be relationships of all sorts..but honesty is something that can belong to any sort of relationship..and i know for me..i never want to be on the side of someone having been dishonest with me "for my own good"...if that means going against what i would expect based on our earlier agreement...
and for that matter...i wouldn't want to be on the side of being dishonest even if knew that my honesty might be hurtful...because i would know that the reality of dishonesty is just as hurtful...
perhaps i am vague again...perhaps?!..haha...but this is something i've thought about recently...what a coincidence
;-) done.