SEE WITH EYES SHUT

James,
the times in Bangalore are tough.
I hear things that hurt.
I know they don't intend to but
the shades changes like the phases of the moon,
from the gentle soak, I feel the chill of the melting glaciers in the bathroom. From 24hr company to no one at all in a switch.
I strive to better. Better my home, better my skill. Competition is what keeps me alive, it makes me feel I'm ok, I'm good and I'm worth living.
Music fills the air of my treasured home to provide me company as I type to people countries away.
Its a pity that we share so little with the people near us. May be if we meet and talk we'll hate each other forever. Irrepairable damage may be caused. Do you fear meeting someone you share your everyday with?
Is there something to do with the names begining with J? James, Jen, Jyoti and Javed?
Should I look for a Joseph, Jasmine or Jaimini to understand me? Talk to me? Be patient with me?

I miss having someone to make feel better also. Its a good way to reassure yourself of help. I know, if I can help someone there will be help for me. I'm not mad, I don't need psychological treatment. Just a hug once in a while, and a person to talk to and hear. How awkward and indulgent one can feel to call someone to say "I'm sick, I'm unwell, not feeling well, or feeling unloved, worthless, feeling responsible of making others unhappy". So you lie in bed staring at the ceiling, reading a book, praying, feeling the aches of your body numbing your thoughts till you fall asleep because you can't call someone and no one is going to know.

Life has it way to make grow up and stop crying your heart out.

yours,
Dee