#444

I don't know how things go wrong. I don't know how I stopped saying things, writing them, lost the touch of words. I never considered myself skilled but I knew I was honest. Now, I feel things slipping by, one after the other like tears. There is never silence. There are sighs, thoughts and words of songs. One long constant sigh. You know I always thought this kind of dramatic life always belonged to a genius, an artist or a poet. Its because we got to know about their lives. Look at me, how will you know what I feel if you only know this happy pink blog. Does anybody know us till we shout it our loud? Do we ask how things are? Do we want to hear their answer? Age, wisdom, maturity, intelligence, success, happiness, what are these worth without sensitivity? What are we if we can't be happy? No. I don't want to talk about happiness today. Its not my job to make you happy. I've tried. I've wanted. I've believed I'm capable of it. But today, I'm sad. I'm sad for myself. I ought to think about myself for I'm just another person am I not? and who will? Will you? Do you know what it is to be me? I'm not saying its special, but you just don't know. No one will know if I stop breathing in bed today. Neither will I know if you do. We call it a small world, don't we? I've said my sorry. But we stand apart. You and me. Its such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said it would be this hard. I don't want you to tell me you love me. I don't want you to promise me to be there forever. I just want you to sit by my side without being drunk, or stoned. I know it wont happen. I'm moving on. I'm leaving my dreams behind. I don't want a house and a pond with you and our time. I don't want anything. I don't want to care, because I've done that. I've seen that I keep writing to you and you only reply to be polite. Is there never a thought of me in your mind? Is there not even a memory that makes you think of me? Is there not a reason to call? Must I spend all my time with my thoughts? But I'm going to change, against my will. Just like everyone else who seem to have adjusted to the world. I'm going to stop caring about you because somewhere deep down in my heart that makes me want you to care for me, a little like I do for you.

words of the song i'm listening to.
Coldplay.