SEE WITH EYES SHUT

Today I will tell you something about me.
When I was growing up I didn’t have a book for many years.
I got 2 books as gifts. One about a pup and the other about a duck.
Then years later a book in Hindi called Katha Sarovar (a reservoir of stories).
I don’t know what I grew up reading. I still don’t read much.
I didn’t feel the need either.
There was always a search of a story but not a book. I made my own stories in games.
Then we studied History and Geography in school.
We read a few pages about war.
I read a page about America, France, England, China, Japan, Russia.
About war.
I read about the war like America was a blotch of white and Russia a blotch of blue.
Countries. Not people. Not lives.
Names without meanings. No context or reasons. Just facts.
And it didn’t touch me.

In the comfort of my room I don’t think there is a war somewhere.
But does the world seize to exist when my eyes are shut?

In these images that move across my screen I see the promise of a life that I want.
In the waters and the lonely faces I see a need and want to do something.
Why?
Because I can see it.
I once spoke to a friend who said art doesn’t move him much. For a day or two may be.
He said a film doesn’t touch him and if it does it fades away.
I don’t mean ill of him. He’s honest.
I see endless possibility in a moment of a bad theatrical production about digging. Digging without a purpose. Sometimes it’s a bad thing.
Dreams dreams dreams. Do dreams have a point ?
Do dreams tell you how much you can earn?
Do dreams promise you stability?
But are they all bad?
Are they bad at all?

Every time I read a book or watch a film I feel closer to tapping the box inside my stomach. Knowing what my hunger means. Every time I sit in a bus or a train among the worried faces traveling irritably I feel the need to push something open. It saddens me to know I can’t do much about my state or the person next to me. I don’t have to fight or protest, I just have to offer my seat sometimes, sometimes it’s as little as that. But how we love to hoard the little we have when we can spread our arms wide open to encircle everything.

I don’t what it is that I have told you about me today but I’m glad there are lives and there have been lives that have been touched, moved and have managed to push that something open. That something, in my everyday.