Sometimes you wake up disillusioned with life. Today is one such day. Nothing to hold onto, nothing to lose. Nothing is sacred anymore. There is no romance, no dream left that can be fulfilled, heck no. Just this. Right here, right now with nothing to look forward to or nothing about the past you can change. What if things happened differently. Would I still be standing here?There is nothing that you can control about others and not much about yourself either.
I do not know the source of my actions, where my desires spring from and what it is that motivates me to do whatever it is that I choose to do. Every belief seems like bottles with colourful liquid packaged with different labels - spirituality, money, fame, morality or debauchery. Have a sip and see life in a corresponding tint. It all seems right till you realize the bottle you've bought. Right or Wrong and the great "Who cares?" just labels on bottles you like at the moment . Nothing is what it is and what it seems to be at first. And the Truth of it, of it all seems that mostly everything is a lie.
Everything is a lie is the only Truth I can believe. And even this little truth is hard to handle, so we rather go on believing the lies, convincing ourselves that everything is OK.
To be happy in this state of being seems like an escape, from the fact that nothing is actually OK.
Nothing I am to do would change the conditions I'm subjected to over and over again. The suffering and pain, confusion and general unhappiness that is our lives. It isn't that there is nothing to celebrate. But I don't think I'm equipped to recognize real happiness, and freedom.The kind of happiness and freedom that comes with it's drama, it's make or break situations and thrill.
I guess that's not what most people would say real happiness is. The state of peace with being yourself. I don't really know where I'm going with this... I guess I'm always looking for answers. As a dance teacher once told me few years ago - There are no Answers. I scribbled it in large letters on a sheet of paper and filled in each alphabet as I contemplated this by the beach and promptly on the next page I wrote - There are Answers, you've got to ask the right questions.
The only questions that comes to my mind right now, about my state of being are - What can I do ? How can I do this? How to live with this nagging voice, with these beliefs and what if I let them all go. What is genuine sincerity in a world of lies?
I do not know the source of my actions, where my desires spring from and what it is that motivates me to do whatever it is that I choose to do. Every belief seems like bottles with colourful liquid packaged with different labels - spirituality, money, fame, morality or debauchery. Have a sip and see life in a corresponding tint. It all seems right till you realize the bottle you've bought. Right or Wrong and the great "Who cares?" just labels on bottles you like at the moment . Nothing is what it is and what it seems to be at first. And the Truth of it, of it all seems that mostly everything is a lie.
Everything is a lie is the only Truth I can believe. And even this little truth is hard to handle, so we rather go on believing the lies, convincing ourselves that everything is OK.
To be happy in this state of being seems like an escape, from the fact that nothing is actually OK.
Nothing I am to do would change the conditions I'm subjected to over and over again. The suffering and pain, confusion and general unhappiness that is our lives. It isn't that there is nothing to celebrate. But I don't think I'm equipped to recognize real happiness, and freedom.The kind of happiness and freedom that comes with it's drama, it's make or break situations and thrill.
I guess that's not what most people would say real happiness is. The state of peace with being yourself. I don't really know where I'm going with this... I guess I'm always looking for answers. As a dance teacher once told me few years ago - There are no Answers. I scribbled it in large letters on a sheet of paper and filled in each alphabet as I contemplated this by the beach and promptly on the next page I wrote - There are Answers, you've got to ask the right questions.
The only questions that comes to my mind right now, about my state of being are - What can I do ? How can I do this? How to live with this nagging voice, with these beliefs and what if I let them all go. What is genuine sincerity in a world of lies?
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