The wick and the wax. The glass and the water

In response to a friend's belief that we are the makers of our fate and life doesn't happen to us. My belief (I don't think belief is the best word for what I meant here) : Both are true, but within a certain way of looking.
We are the wick and not the wax. We are the medium, the temporary vessel. Many many layer below identity the particles are the same but at observable reality the glass is not the water.
What if the glass said "the water is mine" or "I am the water".