I can open my eyes, and see so clearly~

Friday, Aug 5th, 2011 -- You are tempted to throw all caution to the wind and risk your current security for the possibility of greater pleasure. Unfortunately, your eagerness to experience something wonderful can lead to an awkward situation when you realize that the fulfillment of your desires won't necessarily bring you long-term satisfaction. Instead of taking a chance for a fleeting moment of fun, concentrate on doing something that will last.

Yann Tiersen:
I can open my eyes
And see so clearlly,
Flowers on the curtains and
The old days to come,

Anyway it's bubbles in brain,
It's mossy under the rain,
I'm wandering in some endless fields of goo.

From the book I'm reading: ' A person may choose what he cannot see', he said as if explaining something to a very obvious to a foolish individual.... To give a thing a name, a label, a handle: to rescue it from anonymity, to pluck it out of the Place of Namelessness, in short to identify it- well, that's a way of bringing a said thing into being.

I'm having my time wasted by a Disconnector Thief who will not trust in what he can't see. How much have you seen, eh, Thieflet? Africa, have you seen it? No? Then is it truly there? And submarines? Huh? Also hailstones, baseballs, pagodas? Goldmines? Kangaroos, Mount Fujiyama, the North Pole? And the past, did it happen? And the future, will it come? Believe your own eyes and you'll get into a lot of trouble, hot water, a mess'.

(I'm adding this to my favourite monologues)

see with eyes shut.

photograph part of the Diana F+ series.

Diana~

One summer afternoon a boy called Akshay Bhoan walked into my house and handed me a Diana F + which is a tiny little super light camera. These are pictures from my very first role. I have been super excited and wanting to draw it out, because it's the cutest, most curious little thing you'll see. But with finishing page layouts and the usual roller-coaster that my life is, that has been a bit difficult. Soon enough though, more shall appear here. But in the mean time I thought I'd say a little THANK YOU AKSHAY. Here's a song to Diana by Fats Waller.

On watching a play in SoBo.

Bombay has been a strange city. I watched another play tonight in what they have begun to call Sobo (South Bombay). We used to call it Town.
We took a drive on the Worli Sea Link, and I saw it for the first time.
At the theatre, I met a lovely couple. The audience was much younger than it used to be, or well, I've grown up. The chutney sandwiches were still the same. I said some awkward things. The play was interesting, funny and star studded. Needless to say, everyone looked crisp and freshly baked. I personally loved the script, and it overshadowed the performances. At times I forgot I was watching it because I was lost. Great soundtrack and effects.
I felt as if everyone was on a different frequency from me. I spent a good half an hour after the show, wanting to listen to myself- but you are never alone in Bombay. Much of what I said about the play has been true about my interactions with the people. Exciting, glossy, lively and yet something is always rotting on the innards. You know the feeling, when the packing is prettier than the gift.. There's craft and there's money, there's talent and entertainment and fun and a thick coating of self love, but something doesn't come through- something simple and honest and something doesn't feel right.
I don't know what it is, what it is that bothers me. I can't lay my finger on it. Perhaps its just me who is uncomfortable with this glossy picture. Perhaps it's the feeling of not belonging, the feeling of being an outsider in the very place I grew up. There could be more, to the play, to the performance, to the work, to the very foundation of the city and our motivation- why are we doing what we are doing. It was charming and fun and I enjoyed it but at the same time I expected more, I wanted more than what we already know. It was hence, an interesting exercise into myself - I realised I want to look into places we don't look into because they are far too painful or exciting. In places where our lives are unknowingly taking us and expose these wounds and places to the many people who come to the theatre. A performance is no less than a ceremony. A performance is no less than a ceremony.