note to self.

Stage fright can only happen when you are presenting yourself to be liked by the audience. But when you really just want to say something all you have to do it say it, through your medium.. I guess there is no space for fear in this situation.

At the Delphic Competition of Dance, it was the first and only time I've been on a stage with dance all alone. I haven't performed often and even when I do its under the blanket of a lot of other dancers. I didn't tire, or shiver or lose my thought process by the end of it.

remember that feeling. keep it with you. say something with your work.

..

there will be some people who refuse the half apple you offer them, because they want the whole thing. let them be. eat your half.

may be someday they will notice that you offered. happy belated birthday. re-reading letters to the police is not probably the best way to remember someone who doesn't wish to be remembered, but I'm no someone who can hush into the night what i wish to say. I say it, one way or another. somethings i don't understand and you are one of them. Only you, on the other hand, think you understand me too well. Perhaps that is true. You for me or me for you are not a regret. I know. But causes and consequences have their way of being their way. May you have good health and your efforts find their way to their fruit. As always I wish you good, only don't know how to get it to you.

Ive moved

The address to send your postcards has changed. I haven't done anything about it. All my belongings (hopefully all!) have been moved in neatly packed cardboard boxes to my new house that I haven't seen. I might be one of those people who moved house across the street in a city while living in another country. seeing with eyes shut is trusting.

When I come back to the space that surrounds me after watching a film I find myself uncomfortably in a hotel room with a dull light. It amazes how removed from my home I am in this situation. Away from my parents home (which is waiting to be broken and reconstructed), away from my rented apartment which has changed to god knows what now, and away from my dormitory in Seoul to a hotel room on an island with a dull light.

In three months, I will go back H.O.M.E. which is I dont know what anymore. Its not something thats killing me.Unavoidably all the repeats in the story that are yelling to be noticed.