So I'm in a place I've begun to call my home, after having sat awkwardly across a friend in a room in trying to be busy silences. I've sat awkwardly around people who are bitching about me in another tongue. I've been stupid enough to SMS my boss and say I quit and I don't want to give any reasons. I didn't have calling credit. Also I didn't want to be complaining to her.
Once a basic environment is not being improved at you can't work towards higher things. I think there was more being expected of me and I wanted to deliver that, but women at work got me involved into things that were'nt even my job. I'm not happy about the way things ended. If it were my choice I would have tried to graduate to a point where I added creative inputs and didn't have to embody a person's complex.
I'm impulsive. I've always been. Its not always a good thing. Like today.
I need that job more than women who speak the language and have homes in the city do. I'm the one who is desperate, and thats whats makes me want to work more than they do. But no 17 minute conversation with your boss can make sense of the fact that you choose to SMS me and not call me. She says I choose to run away from the situation and not talk to the girls about the issue. She is right. I choose to not call her and complain, I didn't see things getting better with them and me that way, I didn't see why I should be present in a room like that, I walked out.
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My boss, who has been at the helm of three monstrous and hugely successful media ventures, will condone mistakes and slacking and even talk to you like the benevolent uncle when you mess up. But one thing he will not tolerate is a bad working environment or non-teamwork. That's when he really fumes until the 'poison' like he calls it has been eliminated.
ReplyDeleteYou did right da. No one has a right to curtail your happiness or creative thought. Nobody.
And my boss is also right when she says that I didnt need to quit for something like this. I gave up.
ReplyDeleteShe doesnt want me to work where I don't get the respect but I deserve but I have to create it for myself in the only language I share in sort of common with the women.
I'm wrong. I reconsidered going back even. I'm wrong in ending it the way I did. I've not been wrong with the women but with my boss. What did it achieve? I'm not in for cribbing to my boss that these girls don't like me. But I haven't managed to better anything either. I've just walked away in style.
Another day ends with aching arms, hungry tummy and a computer. But I think I know why I do this to myself everytime. I think I'm my best self when I'm miserable. I'm my fullest, loudest, sharpest, and most hardworking when I'm the loser and not when I'm happy. Then I'm just in love with everything around.
So life goes on, the day goes by, the night shall dawn and a morn will sigh, with I and I and I.
There shall be no but, because or why.
Chamki.
ReplyDeleteYou weren't wrong.
Bosses always lay a guilt trip on people who kick their lily ass.
James