Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Monday, October 07, 2013
Suffer and learn
The things we say, every action and every tiny intention behind that action, has the potential to hurt others and in return ourselves. All of these intentions occur at the speed of light and race through our system like electricity through a wire. Most of the times, of the few times when we do put our attention to what we just did, its too late and we mostly notice our intentions in hindsight. Most of us are completely blind to what causes us to behave the way we do, and in turn we think we know exactly what occurs in another person and why they are the way they are.
Most people have perfected the art of convincing themselves and others that they are right. While this skill is important (when needed) it takes away the oppurtunity from us to learn, from opening up to the point of view of others, which could be our blind spot about ourselves. We could be wrong. Furthermore, when aspects of our behaviour are being exposed it is hard to notice the difficulty of the moment and the many reactions, mostly aggressive we have towards the person exposing us. Sometimes even our aggression towards them is justified as defensive, as counter to their attack.
Human relationships and communication are far too perplexing and take up a lot of energy. Often I feel helpless in the face of passing comments - often namelessly said in favour of everyone, but very clearly to the "right" person at the "right" time. While no comments should be taken personally and specially not ones made in favour of a general audience, the intention behind such pettiness (blame game and general whining) has been allowed to affect me, by me. When I seek advice, or to share my irritation and find a solution, people repeatedly tell me that I'm young and naive and too sensitive. I do not know how to dodge this apparent roughness with skill as they have learnt over their hard earned time on this planet.
While social dynamics are to be handled wisely, diplomacy has its limits. I feel I have reached my stopcap several times. The incessant regularity of passive aggressive remarks is almost abusive. Along with that positive enforcement is next to nil. If I were to advise anyone in my situation it would be - Leave.
Yet one has to suffer to learn.
Most people have perfected the art of convincing themselves and others that they are right. While this skill is important (when needed) it takes away the oppurtunity from us to learn, from opening up to the point of view of others, which could be our blind spot about ourselves. We could be wrong. Furthermore, when aspects of our behaviour are being exposed it is hard to notice the difficulty of the moment and the many reactions, mostly aggressive we have towards the person exposing us. Sometimes even our aggression towards them is justified as defensive, as counter to their attack.
Human relationships and communication are far too perplexing and take up a lot of energy. Often I feel helpless in the face of passing comments - often namelessly said in favour of everyone, but very clearly to the "right" person at the "right" time. While no comments should be taken personally and specially not ones made in favour of a general audience, the intention behind such pettiness (blame game and general whining) has been allowed to affect me, by me. When I seek advice, or to share my irritation and find a solution, people repeatedly tell me that I'm young and naive and too sensitive. I do not know how to dodge this apparent roughness with skill as they have learnt over their hard earned time on this planet.
While social dynamics are to be handled wisely, diplomacy has its limits. I feel I have reached my stopcap several times. The incessant regularity of passive aggressive remarks is almost abusive. Along with that positive enforcement is next to nil. If I were to advise anyone in my situation it would be - Leave.
Yet one has to suffer to learn.
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